So I shared with you all in my post A bit of context that about a year ago I again took up an activity that had proven itself in the past to be a sure fire method to peak my interest in sex. So I won’t leave you hanging any longer. Two words: erotic literature. Or as I like to refer to it, SMUT! And it’s one of my favorite things.
I suppose my first introduction to this genre was E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey.
It was 2012, and PM and I had decided we wanted to start trying for a baby. I suppose I had sex on the brain, as a result, so picking up a much-talked about erotic novel made sense.
And yes, yes, I was 32 and had never read a dirty novel before. But don't forget that I was raised within a fundamentalist Christian environment, where the moral way -- and, therefore, the only right way -- to think about sex is as a uniquely intimate physical connection between husband and wife. Pleasure (a primary aspect of sex!) was something that was never talked about, and I had been conditioned to see sex as either right or wrong rather than a biological need. Despite having left that oppressive context, that way of thinking about sex has taken a long time (and deep reflective work) to undo.
But back to hot fucking and fiction...
I don’t remember if my initial intention behind reading the first James novel was to get turned on. Probably not. I think it was just curiosity in what the hype was all about. But turns out, reading about sex, regardless of the quality of the writing (Fifty Shades is no Pulitzer caliber) had the effect of making me extremely horny. And considering my goal at the time was to have sex with my husband several times a day, for several days at a time every month until we got pregnant, all while I was in the midst of a doctoral program and teaching courses, this was exactly what the doctor ordered, so to speak.
I suppose I could have just watched porn, but let’s face it, most HET porn is not made with the ladies in mind. And in 2012, although porn made by women for women apparently existed (see this article from 2011), I didn’t know anything about it at the time.
My current opinion on porn made for women, what I like and don’t like, and how it fits into my sex life, will have to wait for another time. I’ll just say for now that there are many options for this out there at present, though the quality varies greatly.
But back to reading smut… For some reason, reading graphic depictions of sex turns me on in a way that watching graphic sex generally does not. I suppose it’s possibly related to the fact that most porn is made with men in mind. But then again, even when I’ve found porn that I like — films that are made by women for women, depicting sex that is more like real sex between real people and not like whatever the heck kind of nonsense is being shown in the majority of pornographic films and having in mind a certain aesthetic that doesn‘t scream creepy sex condo with silicon-laden, doll-like women — I still find that reading about sex has a much stronger effect on me.
And when I’ve talked to female friends about this topic, they’ve said the same thing: reading about sex turns them on in a way that porn does not.
Bear with me as I attempt a brief analysis of why I think this might be the case. (If you could care less about the why, then feel free to skip this paragraph and the next.) I would tentatively suggest that it’s because sex in written form almost always represents a point of view of one of the participants. It provides me with a window into their internal dialogue, feelings, and experiences, and in that way, I have a sense of being an active participant in the steamy action and can imagine how it would feel, taste, sound to take part in the experience.
By contrast, in most porn films, I as the viewer am simply a voyeur, and my participation is limited to what the camera shows and what audio is provided. Is the woman actually enjoying herself? What precisely is happening with her body? What are the sensations that she feels that are making her scream? I can watch a large cock thrusting in and out of a pussy and hear the woman say, "It feels so good!” but for me, that is not at all equivalent to reading something like this excerpt from an Outlander fanfic by Outlander_Geekery entitled “Like Horses,”
“I spread my legs to get lower on the bed and reached between us to grasp him in my hand and guide him to my center. I pushed back hard in one motion to bring him all the way inside. Deep. The first contact was so intense my scalp tingled with the overwhelming sensation.
...
I arched my back and settled down onto my elbows to brace against his thrusts. My tender nipples swept back and forth over the cool bedspread and the sensation shot electricity straight to my core.
Jamie was grunting and panting behind me. His thrusts now unsparing, battering the ache I had felt all day in my womb. Filling me to the point of agony, desperate for release. His grip on me almost made me cry out in pain as much as his thrusts made me cry out in pleasure. I was lost.”
Forget porn. This steamy writing is hot AF.
Reading a graphic depiction of sex from the POV of one of the characters makes me think about sex and want to have sex. I‘ve in some way been made to feel like I was a part of the sexy experience I read about, and I now want to relive that experience, or some approximation of it, with my partner. Reading erotic literature on a regular basis reorients my brain toward sex, and my body seems to naturally follow.
The fact that I prefer to read graphic depictions of sex when I could simply watch them remains a mystery to my husband. It all just sounds like too much bother to him. PM and I are clearly hardwired differently. But a fact that he would not argue over is that my smut habit has absolutely boosted my libido and drastically impacted our sex life.
And it’s not all that surprising when I think about it. Reading about hot sex makes me think about sex more than I ever would naturally, and that, in turn, makes me horny, which makes me want to jump my husband‘s bones. Not dissimilar to the fact that men apparently think about sex more often than women on average and also tend to desire it with greater frequency.
As a busy mom of three with lots of things vying for my attention, when it comes to sex, the old adage proves true: out of sight, out of mind. As ridiculous as it sounds, even to me as I write it, reading erotica reminds me and my body that I really do enjoy sex and having orgasms. And what luck?! PM wants to give me both!
So what do I read? Stay tuned for Part 2.
Until next time, stay kinky 😉
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