Let’s talk cannabis and sex, shall we?
Last week in Weed over wine, Part 1, I filled you all in on why I started skipping alcohol as a way to relax in the evenings. Never mind the havoc it was wreaking on my sleep, it was doing a number on my lady parts.
PM and I had come to realize that, while a few drinks made me want to take a trip to Pound Town, once we got there, an orgasm became out of reach. The experts tells us that not only does moderate drinking mess with the signals between the brain and the vajayjay, it also decreases blood flow and lubrication, making it harder for many women to orgasm.
And this is absolutely true for me. Even just two beers or a glass of wine within a few hours of having sex will, more often than not, leave me unable to make that final leap over the edge. With a few drinks, I feel relaxed, confident and frisky, but when it comes to getting off, it clearly isn’t the right kind of relaxed.
Enter cannabis.
Let me tell you. Lighting up has lit it up for me and PM in the evenings...or on the weekends…or an occasional mid-week, late morning. Not to mention our steamin’ hot Wake-Bake-and-Bone weekly summer ritual. It’s on 🔥 …*fans herself* But WBB will keep for another time.
Now when it comes to marijuana, both PM and I were virgins until not very long ago. For me, it‘s really only been 5 years or so that I’ve started indulging regularly in the evenings. PM had tried it a year or two prior to me, but at the time, we only had joints readily available, and the smoking aspect really put me off. So it wasn’t something that I myself got into until we tried it in an edible form, and that was a game changer for me. But I’ll get to that in a moment.
As teenagers and young adults, PM and I were strongly shaped by the anti-drug stances of our parents, whose families have struggled with addiction in various forms, as well as by our conservative religious environment. And despite many (dare I say, most even?) of our friends smoking pot in our twenties, neither of us felt comfortable trying it. We had never smoked anything in high school or college, and while I was curious, the thought of inhaling something into my lungs had me freaked out.
But with mounting scientific evidence supporting the safety of the recreational use of cannabis and our flight out of conservative Christianity — along with ease of access to safe, reliable sources of marijuana — PM and I began experimenting with recreational use a few years ago.
At the time, we were drinking in the evenings to wind down (something that was also prohibited in our conservative religious environment, considered a gateway to sin), but we both were looking for something that could help us relax and hopefully wouldn’t mess with our sleep. (What it might do for our sex life wasn’t even a consideration at the time.)
An acquaintance of PM had begun growing organic marijuana, as the state where we were living had recently given the green light for the sale of medical marijuana and this person was working on getting into wholesale. This person gave us some product to try, and at age 35 or so, lighting up a joint on our back porch after One had fallen asleep, this was our introduction to cannabis.
So we had a source we trusted, which was great, but there were a few problems for us, all of them stemming from the process of smoking. One practical problem was the smell. And not the marijuana smell, which I happen to find pleasant, but the smoke smell, the smell of something having been burned. I’ve got an extremely sensitive nose, and while we would only light up in the backyard, inevitably the smell cling to our fingers and our clothes.
But the biggest problem, especially for me, was inhaling. I never liked it. I never really got good at it. Here I was at 35, on my phone googling “How to smoke a joint?” while lying beside my toddler as I put her to sleep. What can I say? I’m a nerd.
But no matter how much reading I did about it, and even practicing beforehand, pretending I’m sucking out of a straw, 8 times out of 10, I’d still end up choking on the smoke, coughing up a lung, and dry heaving. It was fine, and I still had a good time, but it wasn’t my favorite experience. It’s like choking down some terrible drink that tastes too much like rubbing alcohol but you do it anyway because you know the buzz will inevitably make up for it.
We also struggled a bit with how much was a good amount to smoke to get the effect we were looking for. When I choked and spurted on a hit, how much was I actually getting into my system? Then, I’m thinking do I take another hit, even though I’ll probably choke on it again? So I found dosage when smoking to be tricky, as I was never looking to be totally stoned. Again, I was hoping for a relaxed state, similar to what one would get with alcohol, but hopefully without the side effects we got with drinking, poor sleep being the biggest problem.
It was the decrease in my anxiety that I think was the main positive effect that drew me to keep trying it, despite my dislike for the method. At the time, I just knew it put me at ease, made me feel comfortable with myself, which meant a sillier and more playful me. With an Indica Sativa hybrid, I felt mildly sedated but in a warm, cuddly way, rather than a sleepy, comatose kind of way. And I was still able to focus and function before hitting the hay. And PM thinks I’m friggin’ hilarious when I’m stoned, and he’s more playful when he’s high, and we were just having a grand old time together.
So much laughter and enjoying each other’s company, without thoughts of the next morning’s busy schedule, or does my car need oil change, or what are we going to do for X-holiday, or do you think we should start eating vegetarian. You know, all those mundane life things that take up the conversation you have with you spouse when the kids aren’t in your faces, demanding something from you.
We started really enjoying each other again. Not that we had ever really stopped. But as we got older, life got busier, more chaotic, there more things that needed tending to. And so the times where we were just a couple, two people having fun together without a host of adult/parental responsibilities looming over us, had become less frequent. With a little bit of cannabis, the anxiety and worry about this, that, and the other, melted away, and I could remember why I adored this man sitting beside me on the couch. Why I continued to want to be with him even when he couldn’t communicate his feelings to save his life. Why I always decided that I wanted to keep trying, even when we seemed so different from one another I wondered how we could possibly stay together and be happy.
Marijuana turned down the white noise of married life, of child-raising, of career-worry, and it just left me seeing PM again. Appreciating him again, but also appreciating him anew, because he wasn’t the same boy I fell in love with. He was something deeper and richer. More complex. A flavor that you have to roll over your tongue (*eyebrows waggle*) and savor. And yet, he was still that boy, that young man at heart, whose deadpan observations and shrewd mock-insults had me fixated on him so many, many years ago, and once again had me rolling around and laughing until I cried.
So the smoking part was not my bag, but we were having fun, so whatever. At some point, we switched to a vaporizer pen, which was a bit of a pain, cleaning out sticky THC residue from the vaporizer and having to finely grind the cannabis and load the stupid thing. PM would say it wasn’t that big of a deal, but if I’m anything, I’m lazy — I want my indulgences to be easy. But we would both agree, not having to deal with the smoke was a huge improvement.
Then on a whim, I started looking into baking with cannabis. I read all about processing the cannabis to release the THC and different methods of combining it with an oil that you could cook or bake with. In the end, I went with a slow cooker method of combing the THC with coconut oil , which I could then bake with. Yes, the whole thing might have been a bit crunchy-ish mom cliche, what with a crock pot and the coconut oil, but whatever. It worked.
For those interested, using the crock pot to emulsify the THC was an extremely easy process, albeit a bit smelly since I didn’t have any way to release the THC except to bake it in my oven on a baking sheet. But nothing a few open windows couldn’t rectify. Not sure what the neighbors thought, given the smell that was wafting out at 11am. *shrugs*
In the end, I had a glass jar full of THC infused coconut oil. And while we had totally intended to bake with it, we ended up just slowly eating through the jar. 😆 About a half a teaspoon and that did the trick for me. No smelly joints, no sputtering on smoke, no scraping out and wiping down a grinder and a vaporizer. Easy peasy.
When we finally scraped the last of our delicious oil from the bottom of our jar, we knew edibles were going to be the way to go for us. And luckily for us, we live in a location where the recreational sale of cannabis has been legalized and where the number of stores has increased exponentially over the last few years. And with the COVID pandemic, we even have the convenience of online order ahead for pickup.
All of which brings us to where we are at present. Edibles. The factory made ones, not the DIY kind, made via tightly controlled and regulated processes, where I don’t have to worry about harmful chemicals being used on the plants in some guy’s basement, and where they‘re tested and the THC and CBD dose is clearly labeled on the (child-proof) container. With a few months of experimenting with different brands and different products, we now have our favorites. Sour gummie edibles are our favorite form — usually they taste quite like delicious candy, without tasting like weed at all. (And we’re careful about keeping that shit in a lockbox, lest our children find it.)
Now there are downsides to edibles. Unlike when you buy the flower from a dispensary or a pre-rolled joint, edibles aren’t generally labeled as Indica or Sativa specific. Nor do they generally list the effects that one should expect. Apparently, many (most?) weed-infused edibles are made from plant trimmings that otherwise can’t be sold to those wanting the flower. And often these Indica and Sativa trimmings are all thrown together for processing. So you’re not going to be able to predict how a particular product is going to effect your until you try it.
Because the cannabinoids must first be metabolized through your gut with an edible, rather than directly into your bloodstream like when you smoke, it also takes longer for one to feel the effects (with longer lasting effects). The packaging states it can take up to 2 hours, but PM and I notice the initial effect in about 20 minutes, with the full effect peaking in about 1-2 hours and lasting about 5-6 hours.
The effects of an edible are also going to be different person to person, depending on how you metabolize it. We like to stick with gummies with a dose of 5mg per, so we can easily customize how much we take. So we’ve tried products where the same dose hit one of us more intensely than the other. I’m a petite person, without a lot of body fat, and I find I like one of the 5mg dose gummies if I want a mild high and to have enough energy and focus to still get down and dirty. If I’m going to be home by myself during the day and still want to get things done, like writing this blog post, I’ll opt for a half (approx. 2.5mg). I only go up to 7-10mg of THC if the plan is to just hunker down and sleep after a bit. PM will usually go with a slightly higher dose.
If you’re a resident of the US, take a look here to find a current list of the states that have passed legislation for the legalization of marijuana.
Now, when we combine edibles and sex? Hot damn, it’s fantastic. So let’s get down to details here. Why is cannabis sex better for us than alcohol-fueled sex?
Here’s my breakdown of what I feel when we get it on when I’ve got an alcohol buzz-on versus being a wee bit stoned.
As I said last week, a few drinks in the evening and I definitely feel less inhibited and more relaxed, which tends to make me feel more frisky. In addition to being relaxed, I also get a bit silly, which is fun, but I also tend to be more uncoordinated. I feel more tired and find it more difficult to move. My thought processes get a bit fuzzy, and it gets harder for me to focus. I also get a numbing effect in my extremities, and it’s this depressive effect on my central nervous system that’s likely reeking havoc with my orgasms.
I’m also more likely to space out or start drifting off to sleep at the most inopportune times. And I’ll be honest with you. PM does not love a sitch where he’s going down on me, and I start to nod off. Nor is he thrilled when I start giving him a (rather sloppy) blowjob, only to want to fall asleep on his lap before he can finish.
And even when I’m not falling asleep, 9 times out of 10, my nether regions have already called it quits and just won’t cooperate the way I want them to.
Cue cannabis.
Well, I’ve already said that marijuana has the effect of making me feel silly. It’s mood-lifting, and I’m happy, regardless of what’s currently happening in my life. I’m absolutely less anxious and more relaxed, but not in the same sedated, body-heavy way I feel after drinking. I'm quite impervious to stress, with whatever thoughts that had been weighing me down or worrying me that day just melting away.
That being said, I wouldn’t say my brain goes fuzzy. I’m just able to focus on things at hand without extraneous worrisome crap intruding on my thoughts. So cannabis tends to make me really focus in on whatever’s in front of me — be it my phone, the tv show we’re watching, a particular conversation topic, the stroking fingers that have slid down the front of my panties — and I’ll forget whatever it was I was doing before.
This effect pairs well with the heightened sensations I tend to experience, and it’s not just that food tastes extra good. Physical contact feels extremely pleasurable, whether it’s that super soft blanket on my arms or PM’s raspy beard on my breasts. I often get an effervescent type feeling all over, and I’ve described it to PM before by way of saying, I can feeeel my skin (which he thinks is hilarious, btw, but whatever).
I notice sounds and other stimuli that I normally tune out more, but not in an annoying, I can’t stop hearing that blasted squeaking sort of way, but more of a huh, listen to that interesting sound sort of way.
My inhibitions are lowered, so I inevitably get mischievous and handsy with PM. But when it comes down to getting down, I don’t experience any brain or sensation numbing effects, but quite the opposite. I’m tuned into to what’s going on, and the heightened sensations feel fantastic. Things that I’m stressed about that might normally distract me from focusing on my arousal, I can easily shelf them for the time being. I can be fully present in my body and just enjoy the physical buildup.
And as is typical of marijuana users‘ descriptions of the high they experience, my perception of time definitely alters. Sometimes time seems to move slower, other times quicker, but neither effect stresses me out.
And because my perception of time is altered, I have no idea how long PM and I have been going at it, and it doesn’t friggin’ matter. That stress or guilt that I might typically experience when I feel like it’s taking me a long time to come when PM is eating me out or fucking me or whatever, and I’m worrying that he‘s getting tired or frustrated with me — when I’m a wee bit stoned, I just don’t care. I don’t even notice how long he’s going at it. Again, I’m able to stay present in my body and not get stuck in my head.
And without the same level of depressive effects as alcohol, coupled with heightened physical sensations I experience with marijuana, my body reacts to the sexual stimulation the way it’s supposed to. The tension continues to build until I get over the edge into a mind-blowing release. Exactly what both PM and I are after.
So basically, with cannabis, I’m able to push aside the extraneous junk that distracts me and instead focus in on the good stuff, and Christ Almighty is it good.
And PM describes sex while on weed in very similar terms. First off, he tells me that he’s never had trouble getting an erection while high (though a few studies have suggested a correlation for some men between ED and regular marijuana use, for which see the reading list below). So PM already finds marijuana better on the dick than alcohol. He also feels relaxed but doesn’t feel the sleepy, difficult-to-move feelings he gets with drinking. He too gets a mood-boost, and I get to see the playful side of him come out.
While he doesn’t have the same need as I do to lessen distraction so he can climax, he finds it’s easier to focus on a task, without noticing time passing. Which, as one could imagine, is a particularly helpful effect when it comes to performing cunnilingus. This man can dine at the Y for a full eight courses and doesn’t tire or get bored. *bites lip*
He also gets the heightened sensations, so every little thing I do to him feels that much better. Edging him while I suck on his cock just got that much better, for both of us really.
And when it’s time for us to go to sleep, neither of us has trouble drifting off and staying asleep for the night. The only downside we‘ve experienced is the munchies. 😆
Experts agree that there is still much more work to be done studying the benefits of cannabis, especially given that most studies in the US are done from the perspective of investigating potential harm. They also generally agree about the negative effects of marijuana on the developing brain, which means that people under age 25 should avoid it.
Apart from accident risks when driving or operating machinery while using marijuana, the research regarding other negative health effects has been inconclusive. As German Lopez of Vox summarizes, the main risk with cannabis use is that, “It can have a seriously negative impact on some people's productivity at work or school." Well, yeah that makes sense. If you‘re getting really stoned all day, you‘re probably not going to get a lot done.
That being said, my personal anecdote on this latter issue is that a small amount of cannabis actually increases my productivity, as it decreases my anxiety, which helps me focus. Writing anxiety has long been an issue for me and was a major factor in my failure to complete my doctoral dissertation. Turns out it probably wasn’t Adderall that I needed, which helped focus but tended to increase my anxiety, but a little bit of MaryJane. *shrugs*
There’s not much in the way of research out there on cannabis and the female sexual response, but that’s not surprising. The benefits of marijuana are understudied at present, and don’t even get me started on the scientific and medical community when it comes to female pleasure. (For my thoughts on the latter issue, check out my post The Untold Story of the Clitoris.)
But in our humble opinion, has marijuana improved our sex life? Hells yes!
Until next time, stay kinky 😉
Sources and Suggested Reading
For a brief discussion of the history of marijuana legislation in the US and the evidence for it‘s safety as a medical treatment, see the editorial “Why I changed my mind on weed,” by Dr. Sanjay Gupta, CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, August 8, 2013.
See also the CNN documentary series by Dr. Sanjay Gupta (now six one-hour specials) entitled ”Weed,” the first, “WEED: a Dr. Sanjay Gupta Special,” originally aired Aug. 11, 2013.
For a review of the 2013 CNN documentary WEED, see “Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s WEED Documentary: A Critique,” by Lindsay Stafford Mader, in The Journal of the American Botanical Council, Issue 100, pp 25-29.
Listen to Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN as he talks about reversing his position on medical marijuana, on the podcast The Joe Rogan Experience, episode #1718, October 2021. For some basics on cannabis-infused edibles, see “How to consume edibles,” from Leafly.
Also see “Does Sativa/Indica/Hybrid REALLY Matter in Edibles?” from The Higher Path, Sept. 17, 2017.
On the risks of alcohol consumption over against cannabis, see “The risks of alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs, explained,” by German Lopez, Vox, February 25, 2015.
See also, “Is marijuana as safe as – or safer than – alcohol?“ by Jen Christensen and Jacque Wilson, CNN, Jan. 22, 2014. (Note that this article mentions that some studies have linked decrease in male libido and erectile dysfunction with regular marijuana use.)
“The benefits and harms of marijuana, explained by the most thorough research review yet,” by German Lopez, Vox, Jan. 14, 2017.
For a discussion of a small 2016 study comparing the effects of alcohol and marijuana on sex, see “Alcohol vs. Marijuana: Which One Is a Better Aphrodisia?” by social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
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